45 Life Lessons

Posted on July 04, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

** Regina Brett recently wrote - “Here are 45 lessons life has taught me:”

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative—dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

** Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!
** Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

Your LIfe - Your Stage

Posted on June 28, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

“All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” - William Shakespeare

What part have you been acting in the theater of life?  What place have you assigned to yourself on the stage?  Are you one of the lead actors?  Do you bear one of the important parts?  Or are you merely one of those standing in the “crowd” scene, off toward the side?

Though it may be hard to believe, and we may often times deny this truth - always remember that whatever part you are playing on the stage of life – it is the part you have assigned to yourself.  You are acting in the role you have cast for yourself. 

Leaders and Philosophers throughout the ages have taught this fundamental truth

:

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” – King Solomon
“According to your faith, so will it be done unto you.” – Jesus
“Life consists of what a man is thinking about all day.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts.” – John Locke
“You are today where your thoughts have brought you.  You will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” – James Allen
“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” – The Apostle Paul
“Nurture great thoughts, for you will never go higher than your thoughts.” – Benjamin Disraeli

What sort of image do you hold of yourself? What kind of actor have you made yourself out to be? - For as Emmett Fox writes, “Whatever the real conviction of yourself is, that is what you will eventually realize in your life… for whatever enters your life is but the material expression of your beliefs and thoughts.”

This is true because the Law of “Cause and Effect” is as absolute and undeviating in the hidden realm of thoughts as it is in the world of visible and material things.  Our minds are the master weaver, both of our interior garment of character, and outer garment of circumstance.

The error of the ages has been the tendency of mankind to limit the power of thoughts, belief and faith – but we set limits on this power at our own demise, for as Jesus taught - according to your faith (or your mental beliefs and images), so shall it be done unto you. 

** What part have you given yourself on life’s stage?

Fine Tunes…

Posted on June 24, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

“Why do most of us like to talk so much? Because we want to be noticed and appreciated. We get a charge out of being the center of the universe. But when sit there and yap on and on, you use up all the oxygen and energy in the room, which is debilitating for everyone else there with you.” - Linda Thaler & Robin Koval

In the book “The Power of Nice.” Authors Thaler and Koval write that “often times, more communication is less communication.” They suggest

five

ways to fine tune your listening skills:

* Let the Other Person Be Smarter. When you let another person’s brilliance shine through, you not only gain new information, you also earn their goodwill. Everyone likes to be around people who make them feel both important and intelligent.

* Keep It Simple. Sometimes the best answer is the simplest one. By listening rather than pontificating about your opinion, you will often discover the simple connection (or truth) that makes all the difference.

* Ask, Don’t Tell. When you ask questions, you tell people that you care about them - that you’re interested in what they have to say. You also send the subtle message that you’re a bright, inquisitive individual who would like to know more. That’s why even the smallest question can have a huge impact.

* Don’t Argue. Whenever problems or conflicts arise, there is a natural tendency to try and “talk your way out of it” - or to defend yourself. But sometimes the best way to win your case is to shut up, humble yourself, and listen your way out of it.

* Everyone Is Worth Listening To. Jay Leno says, “We live in a society of exclusion. There is this idea that you should try to keep people out - ‘Oh, you can’t come into this club, you have to be a member, you don’t have enough money, you’re not handsome enough.’ But if you go through life with the opposite attitude and try to include everybody, it opens up doors.”

Remember Dale Carnegie’s quote: “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

What Makes A Good Boss?

Posted on June 21, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

“A large part of what a good boss does is expedite things for employees - that is, help them get their jobs done by removing obstacles. This is not at all the same as ‘making sure’ they get their jobs done by raising their anxiety level.”

** Fortune magazine has provided a short online quiz to help determine if you are a good or bad boss. It’s part of an article by senior writer, Anne Fisher.
Take Quiz Here

In the article, Ann Fisher asked David Sirota, head of Sirota Survey Intelligence, “what makes a good boss, in employees’ eyes?” Here is part of his response:

”All of our research consistently shows that people in general have three goals at work. First is fairness. They want to feel that they’re being recognized and rewarded fairly for what they contribute. Second is achievement. People want to be proud of the organization and of their place in it. And third, camaraderie, meaning good working relationships and a sense of belonging to a team. If these three goals are met, you have enthusiastic employees.

The trouble is that, in most companies, morale among new hires is high and then, by about the six-month point, it has dropped sharply. Management has destroyed it. One thing bad bosses do is to deliberately make people feel insecure about their jobs. Another is, treat employees like children or criminals instead of like responsible adults.

A sign of a really bad boss is micromanaging, which I define as devoting punitive amounts of attention to minutiae. We’ve seen workplaces where people have to raise their hands if they want to go to the restroom. Another sign of a bad boss is when you hear employees say that they get no positive feedback at all. A common complaint is, “If we make a mistake, we hear about it, but for doing our jobs well, there is never a ‘thank you’.”

** So how good a boss are you? Take the Fortune quiz to help find out… Take Quiz Here

Did You Get The Memo?

Posted on June 17, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

We all harbor some inner level of insecurity - even though many people go to great lengths to hide this fact. But our insecurities are not something we can ignore, for too much insecurity can eventually cripple one’s ability to lead.

**

Pastor Johnny Hunt outlines nine consequences of an insecure leader

:

•  An insecure leader has a hard time giving credit to others. Their insecurity prevents them from allowing the release of praise in any direction - other than toward themselves.

•  An insecure leader keeps information from his/her staff. When you release information, you build trust and confidence in others. When you conceal it, you instill just the opposite: no trust and no confidence.

•  Insecure leaders do not want their staff exposed to other leaders - to leaders who may possess qualities and skills they do not personally have. Confident leaders give their people the best - no matter where it may be found.

•  An insecure leader is often a micromanager. They tend to be control freaks - where nothing can happen that they are not fully aware of. This kind of obsessive control will wring the creative ingenuity out of any team.

•  Insecure leaders have a high need for praise. This reason, perhaps more than any other, prevents one from leading effectively. When someone needs their followers to always be telling them how wonderful they are, it undermines the heartbeat of leadership, which is: building into the lives and careers of others.

•  Insecure leaders do not provide security for those they lead. “If the mood and environment in the office is one of fear, second-guessing, and self-doubt, you can be sure an insecure leader is in charge.”

•  Insecure leaders take more than they give. Instead of validating and encouraging others, they are focused on receiving it.

•  Insecure leaders limit the best in their subordinates. Insecure leaders cannot genuinely motivate the development and emerging of high level skills in others.

•  Insecure leaders limit the potential of their organization. “Not only does insecurity throttle down the horsepower of individual team members; it results in putting restraints on the entire church or organization.”

Is Your Leadership Benefiting Your Profitability?

Posted on June 13, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

“Feedback is the breakfast of champions…”

Over ten years ago, the Gallup Organization created a research-based feedback process which leaders could use to measure and assess the “engagement” of those they lead. Gallup wanted to produce a tool which was also powerfully linked to bottom-line business outcomes – including sales growth, productivity, customer loyalty, and profitability.

To identify the key elements that drive worker engagement, Gallup conducted thousands of focus groups and interviews, in all types of organizations. From this data, Gallup pinpointed (out of hundreds of possible variables) 12 key employee expectations that, when satisfied, create a strong foundation for feelings of “engagement” between an employee and their leader/organization.

** Research showed that organizations with high "Q12 scores" (or engagement scores) experience lower turnover, higher sales growth, better productivity, better customer loyalty or other manifestations of superior performance. Each question is answered on a scale from 1-5.

The 12 Elements of Great Managing

1. I know what is expected of me at work.


2. I have the materials and equipment I need to do my work right.


3. At work, I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day.


4. In the last seven days, I have received recognition or praise for doing good work.


5. My supervisor, or someone at work, seems to care about me as a person.


6. There is someone at work who encourages my development.


7. At work, my opinions seem to count.


8. The mission or purpose of my company makes me feel my job is important.


9. My associates or fellow employees are committed to doing quality work.


10. I have a best friend at work.


11. In the last six months, someone at work has talked to me about my progress.


12. This last year, I have had opportunities at work to learn and grow.

These 12 statements apply to various settings, whether in an organization, athletic team, church congregation, volunteer team…

Challenge: Have those you lead rate the 12 statements on a scale of 1-5, then start making changes to bring a few of the lower scored ratings to a “5”.

Are You A Leader, Or A Parent?

Posted on June 10, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

Some leaders can fall into the trap of assuming the posture of a “parent” over some of their followers.

When a leader assumes this posture, they start to believe they are responsible to care for certain individuals who seem limited in their own ability to care for themselves. Such a leader will often step in by providing strong (or parental) “guidance” and control, where they seek to keep that person safe and protected.

Since “father always knows best”, this “parental” leadership style will eventually enable those followers to assume the unhealthy role of being a surrogate “child” of a leader - where they end up having an unhealthy reliance on their leader, resulting in a lack of personal motivation, initiative, and accountability.

As leaders, we need to see people as being independent, capable, skilled with the need to take initiative in their own job (and life). As leaders it’s our role to create an environment that unlocks their potential, and then empowers and enables them to act. As Abraham Lincoln said “You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.”

** The highest calling of a leader is the development and empowerment of others in ways that allow their followers to reach their highest potential. Developing followers into independent and highly competent leaders themselves.

Courageous Thoughts…

Posted on June 07, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

Teachers and philosophers throughout history have affirmed that a person’s thoughts and faith directly determine the level of success they eventually experience. For example:

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” – King Solomon

“According to your faith, so will it be done unto you.” – Jesus

“Life consists of what a man is thinking about all day.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts” – John Locke

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you. You will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” – James Allen

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” – The Apostle Paul

“Nurture great thoughts, for you will never go higher than your thoughts.” – Benjamin Disraeli

“People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

As you study individuals who courageously pursued a dream, you will find that they came from a variety of cultures, backgrounds, economic privileges, and had various intellectual abilities. But they all had one thing in common. They all understood the critical importance of actively controlling and edifying their thoughts as they journeyed toward their dreams. Those who courageously pursue their dreams understand that in order to change their lives, they must first change their thinking.

Our thoughts are important because they directly influence our behaviors and emotions, and it is our daily behaviors and emotions which determines the level of success we eventually achieve.

Every day, your thinking directly impacts the words you use; whether you choose to get out of bed in the morning to exercise; if you exhibit patience with your spouse; if you spend quality time with your children; if you believe God cares; if you stay on your diet; and how you treat the family pet. Every day of your life is directly impacted by the thoughts you allow to flow through your mind. This is a foundational truth we must understand if we are going to successfully pursue our dreams and ambitions.

** What kind of thoughts have you allowed to run through your brain lately?.

Dare To Think Differently

Posted on June 02, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

“Leaders are visionaries with a poorly developed sense of fear and no concept of the odds against them.” - Robert Jarvik

Leaders pioneer and initiate change. Leaders do not follow the traditional paths of life. They instead create new paths that bring the future into the present. This is because leaders see what others do not, they dare to think differently.

** Because of their willingness to think in a new way, visionaries often experience resistance from many with closed minds. Consider the following…

“The flight be machines heavier than air is unpractical and insignificant, if not utterly impossible” – Simon Newcomb, an astronomer of some note, 1902

“It is an idle dream to imagine that . . . automobiles will take the place of railways in the long distance movement . . of passengers.” – American Road Congress, 1913

“The odds are now that the United States will not be able to honor the 1970 manned-lunar-landing date set by Mr. Kennedy.” – New Scientist, April 30, 1964

“There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.” – Ken Olsen, president Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977

** Dare to Think Differently!

This Is…

Posted on May 29, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.

A psychology professor at the University of Miami knew his students expected a terrifyingly long final exam.

To play with their minds a little (what do you expect from a psychology professor?) he only put

ONE

question on the final exam. He watched the reactions of the students as they all opened the exams and saw simply one question. Initially they all looked relieved, but as the difficulty of the question began to sink in, those relieved faces sagged to confusion and consternation. All, that is, except for one student.

The student read the question, tapped his pencil into his palm a few times, then quickly jotted something down on the first page of the exam. He then walked up to the professor, handed him the test, and walked out of the classroom. The professor blinked in surprise, looked at what the student wrote, and smiled… The professor wrote “100%” on the top of that student’s test. The student got an “A” on the exam.

The question on the final exam: “What is courage?”

The student’s answer: This is.