Posted on June 12, 2010 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.
A True Story
:
It’s winter in Wisconsin. Ten degrees outside. Snowbanks line the roads and ice on sidewalks make walking hazardous. Frank Daily, fourteen years old, has just boarded city bus number ten along with many of his schoolmates, on his way home from school. The bus driver is John “Kojak” Williams. The bus heads west on Blue Mound Road.
While his schoolmates chatter in other parts of the bus, Frank sits alone near the front, lost in thought. He’s having a hard time fitting in at his new school. He looks down at his new NIKE sneakers and remembers the disappointment he felt when he failed to make the school’s basketball team a few days prior. He feels lonely and invisible.
The bus stops and a woman slowly climbs the steps, wearing old clothes, no shoes, and only tattered socks. She settles into a seat behind the bus driver, a few rows in front of Frank. Many of Frank’s classmates are laughing; the bus driver yells at them to quiet down.
The driver asks, “Where are your shoes, lady?”
“I can’t afford shoes right now,” she answers. “I got on the bus to get my feet warm. If you don’t mind, I’ll just ride around for a bit.”
“I’ve got kids,” she says. “They have shoes, but there’s not enough for me, but that’s okay. The Lord will take care of me.”
Frank looks down at his new NIKES and thinks about this woman. Under the seat, he unties his shoes and slips them off. When the bus reaches his stop, he picks up his shoes, walks up to the woman, and hands them to her. As he steps out the door to head home, he hears what the derisive hoots from some of his callous schoolmates.
Frank Daily’s story might never been told except that Kojak, the bus driver, thought it was remarkable enough to contact the local newspaper and tell it to a reporter. “In twenty years driving a city bus I’ve never seen anything like this,” he said, adding, “those shoes fit that woman just fine.”
** Character is not what you think or what you intend;
it is what you do
. Without action, our character is quite useless.
** How does your character need to be proactively displayed… today?
Posted on June 08, 2010 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.
“We are not meant, in the grand scheme of life, to be happy and comfortable. Rather we are meant to forge our characters on the anvil of adversity…
Most of us experience monumental periods of adversity — to burn away our self-deception. These devastating setbacks propel us in our quest to become fully and creatively human.
Sometimes we get stuck, so stuck, in fact, that only great pain will impel us to move. It’s then that the power of adversity is revealed. But to see it requires a new way of looking at the world, a radical shifting of perspective.
The walls of your adversity might seem too high to scale. Never mind. Don’t look up and don’t look down. Look straight ahead, find that first foothold, and climb. Soon that wall will become merely a stepping stone to the next phase of your life — and (surprise!) your next adversity. At that time recall the concept of sweat equity and realize that when you leverage your learning from adversity past and present there is no failure and no wasted time.”
— Al Weatherhead and Fred Feldman, The Power of Adversity
Posted on April 02, 2010 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.
Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words;
Be careful of your words, for your words become your deeds;
Be careful of your deeds, for your deeds become your habits;
Be careful of your habits; for your habits become your character;
Be careful of your character; for your character becomes your destiny.
Character is not something you can fashion overnight; it must be earned and proven over time – built brick by brick, through the weeks, months and years of life. As James A. Froude 1818-1894 wrote, “You cannot dream yourself into character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.”
How strong is your character? What comments do you think your friends are making about your integrity? Where would family members see cracks in your integrity? What habits and behaviors in your life have you kept hidden through the years, hoping no one will find them out? And the most important question to ask yourself is “Do you really believe maintaining your character and integrity is of primary importance?” If so, why? If not, why not?
If you do
not
believe protecting your character is of critical importance, then I challenge you to consider people you personally know who consistently compromise their integrity. What kind of fruit is their life producing? Personally, I do not know of one person who has lived a life of compromise who has also maintained a long-term, happy, and growing marriage with their spouse; who currently has the deep respect of their adult children; or who is admired as a role model of success by their peers.
While no person is perfect, we can divide mankind into
two
major groups. One group realizes their frailty, are aware of their personal vices, and are on a lifelong journey to manage and correct those breaches of integrity in their living. The second group is also on a lifelong journey. But their goal is to forever hide and cover up these breaches as they continue to indulge in their vices and addictive behaviors – hoping never to be found out.
I have spent time in both of these groups, and know from personal experience that when we choose to hide and indulge our vices, we are forced to spend so much energy protecting ourselves from being found out that inadequate energy and creative power is left to pursue our true calling as a leader. So we are forced to choose. Chase our vices, or chase our dream.
So as a leader, make certain you carefully watch over and protect your inner soul and integrity. Fully embrace the fact that you first need to
be
the right kind of person, and
do
the right kinds of things, before you will excel in reaching your God given potential. Guard your character. Be a person others can trust. Plant seeds of integrity wherever you go and you will eventually reap a bountiful crop of personal respect, success, and satisfaction.
Posted on March 17, 2010 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.
“My life is my message.” - Mahatma Ghandi
Everyone’s life is driven by something. People can be driven by their problems, deadlines, a painful memory, haunting fears, or by some subconscious belief. Rick Warren mentions five common (yet negative) motivations that can “drive” a person:
1)
Guilt
: These individuals spend their life running from past regrets and hiding under the covers of shame. Guilt-driven people are imprisoned by past failures, and thus are unable to embrace a new future. Many times they unconsciously “punish” themselves by sabotaging their own success. ** We may be products of our past, but we don’t have to be imprisoned by it. Moses’ past included murderer - yet he later led an entire nation from slavery into freedom.
2)
Resentment and Anger
: These people are addicted to past hurts. Instead of releasing their pain through offering grace and forgiveness, they choose to relive a hurtful situation over and over in their minds. Those who hurt us in the past cannot continue to do us damage unless we choose intoxicate ourselves with resentment. The Bible says, “To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do.” (Job 5:2)
3)
Fear
: Fear-driven people miss great opportunities because they are too afraid to venture out into the unknown. Instead of embracing the future, they prefer to play it safe and maintain the status quo. Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep a person from becoming all that God intends them to be. We must step into our fears with the weapons of faith and perseverance.
4)
Materialism
: The drive to always want more “stuff” is based on a misconception that having more will make us more happy, more important, and more secure - but all three beliefs are not true. Self-worth and net-worth are not related.
5)
Need for approval
: These individuals allow the expectations of others to control their lives. I don’t know every key to success, but one key of failure is to try to please everyone. Being controlled by the opinions of others is a sure way to miss our purpose in life - as we instead constantly wonder around looking for the approval of… anybody.
** What has been “driving” you lately?
Posted on January 04, 2010 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.
Recent finding about the nature of intelligence
:
1) Existing standardized IQ tests totally fail to predict success in life or business. (Because IQ only narrowly relates to one’s overall intelligence.)
2) Emotional maturity has been scientifically proven to be an indispensable contributor to rational decision thinking and decision making – key attributes which lead to high levels of success.
3) New research is showing that “overall” intelligence is (to a large extent) learned.
Four Major Factors of Overall Intelligence
:
1) Intellectual Intelligence (IQ): is largely genetic, but can be honed (or heightened) by curiosity, discipline in study, and by exposing yourself to a wide range of experiences.
2) Emotional Intelligence (EQ): is the ability to manage your own emotions. It begins with your ability to recognize your emotions, then understand them, and finally to manage yourself out of “emotional hijackings.” (A person’s emotions can get “hijacked” by an event or strong emotion… like excess fear, anger, bitterness,…)
How to develop EQ:
• The first step to a high EQ is growing in your ability to recognize, or be aware, of your emotions.
THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS IT SEEMS
… We all can loose sight of our emotions… Being aware of our emotions requires constant reflection and forms of feedback.
• The second step is to manage your emotions… (primarily by managing your self-talk.)
• The third step to concentrate (to be fully present) so you are not caught off guard in any type of situation which may occur in the day.
3) Social Intelligence (SQ): If EQ is the ability to manage your own emotions, then SQ has to do with recognizing and managing the emotions in interpersonal relationships. EQ is directed inward. SQ is directed outward, and involves:
• The ability to recognize the emotions of others
• The ability to empathize with those emotions
• The ability to listen well
• To really care
• And the ability to resolve conflicts in a healthy way
4) Change Intelligence (CQ): This type of intelligence has a huge impact on one’s ability to lead others and organizations.
• Where you quickly recognize the need for change
• Are emotionally comfortable with change - can emotionally come to peace with the need for change
• And can confidently lead yourself, and others, down the path of change
SO WHAT IS THE POINT?
** Research has shown that World Class Performers may only have an average IQ, but definitely have highly developed EQ, SQ, & CQ’s. This again shows that success is developed…
Posted on November 19, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.
“Sometimes the dark side of leadership eclipses the bright side – to the detriment of both the leader and the organization.” – Jay Conger
There are many paradoxes in Leadership. One paradox is that a leader’s personal strengths – the abilities that have brought a leader success – can (if left unchecked) contribute to an eventual failure in their leadership. Research has shown that the qualities that propel an individual to leadership success have often been the issues that catalyzed a significant failure in that person’s leadership.
So, what is the “dark side?” The dark side is grounded in the inner urges, compulsions, and dysfunctions of our personality that often go unexamined, or remain unknown to us, until some type of emotional experience or trauma is experienced.
Our dark side can be exasperated by various personal issues, including
:
• Our insecurities
• Feelings of inferiority
• Our need for approval
As a leader, here is what you should know:
• Characteristics that drive people to lead and succeed often have a “dark side” that is capable of crippling them.
• Every leader/person suffers from some degree of personal dysfunction.
• Many leaders are not aware how their dysfunctions influence and drive them.
• Because dysfunctions can channel themselves into ambitions, our dysfunctions can often go undetected until it is too late.
• Learning about their dark side can enable leaders to address and prevent (or at least mitigate) their potential negative effects.
Writing about Abraham Lincoln, author Donald Phillips writes, “Unlike many leaders, Lincoln was painfully aware of his dark side and took proactive steps to prevent it from sabotaging his leadership.” Lincoln understood that for any person to successfully lead others, he or she must understand that leading, at times, can bring out the worst in us.
So how do we master our dark side? Well, in many ways, mastering our dark side is nothing more than using good common sense.
First
, one needs to admit they do have dark tendencies, and then take time to adequately discern what they are – and understand how they tend to manifest themselves.
Second
, understand that our past
does
impact our present – and therefore we need to examine our past with the purpose of understanding ourselves better. One begins by recalling the events that (for whatever reason) have significantly shaped our life and have left an indelible mark. The Bible teaches, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” Once we have taken the time to admit how certain events have left an unhealthy shadow, we can then start down (many times with the help of others) a path of healing and personal freedom.
Finally
, we need to practice progressive self-knowledge and discipline. Self-knowledge is best attained by opening ourselves to the scrutiny of others, seeking feedback regarding how our dark side may be rearing its ugly head. Self-discipline (coupled with accountability) is then developed to keep our unhealthy appetites under control. For example, Lincoln helped manage his anger by writing long letters to vent his anger and emotion – which he generally never sent.
Challenge
: Do you know, and are you managing, your dark tendencies as a leader? Would others say you know, and are managing, these tendencies?
Posted on October 16, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.
The oath used by those who compete in the Special Olympics is
:
“Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt.”
** A simple oath that, if lived out, will help a person live a most courageous and meaningful life.
Posted on October 11, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.
“In the absence of clearly defined goals we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia – until ultimately we become enslaved by it.” – Robert Heimlein
Why is setting specific goals important? The Bible states that “without a vision the people will perish.” Whether it is an individual, organization/church, or an entire nation, if that entity does not have clearly defined and energizing goals, it will not be able to sustain its existence, or reach its full potential. Michael Keifer writes, “No goals, no future.” Clearly defined goals provide the fuel to reignite a life, organization, or as the Bible states - the heart of an entire nation.
Perhaps the best example of a goal which inspired an entire nation for nearly a decade, was a goal made in 1960, when President John F. Kennedy declared that the United States would put a man on the moon by the end of the decade. And despite enormous obstacles, setbacks, and challenges, the goal was reached on July 21, 1969, when astronaut Neil Armstrong took his first steps on the dusty grey surface of the moon. That event will forever be one of the proudest days in the history of the United States.
This same type of compelling vision is critically needed in our personal lives as well – for without clearly defined destinations, our lives will quickly drift into a mediocre, tedious, and unfulfilling existence. Legendary Football Coach Lou Holts offers good advice, “If you are bored with life, if you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things, then you don’t have enough goals.”
William Danforth, chairman of the Board for Ralston Purina said, “I have observed that setting a goal makes no appeal to the mediocre. But to those fired with an ambition to really greatly achieve, setting a goal becomes a program that stirs the inner soul to action.” Business philosopher Jim Rohn writes, “The ultimate reason for setting goals is to entice you to become the person it takes to achieve them.” He later adds, “The reason most people face the future with apprehension instead of anticipation is because they don’t have it well designed.”
Those who are living a courageous life embrace their responsibility to clearly define what they want their life to be about – and stand for. They are determined to own their life and majestically sail toward their future and potential.
** But as we set our goals, we need to be careful. We need to make sure the goals we set also respect and protect a healthy and balanced life. We do not want to step out toward our dreams – and leave our faith, relationships, and health behind.
Posted on September 29, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.
It has been said that without a clearly defined goal, or focus, a person will naturally drift toward a life of trivial mediocrity. I agree.
The Apostle Paul wrote, “this one thing I do…” (Philippians 3:10-14) – Paul had a clearly defined focus for his life, and this focus enabled him to most effectively live out his calling and purpose. This focus gave him extreme clarity regarding where he was to spend his energy, time and resources.
I personally believe the first step to living such a focused life is to decide that your “YES” is. To clarify, for each key area of your life, what you are going to say YES to. A person is not prepared to say “no” to anything until they have first clearly discerned what they are going to say “yes” to.
Defining your “Yes” provides clarity - it allows you to pinpoint which one path you will follow, and which opportunities (even good ones) will consequently require a “No” response… for you are not prepared to say NO until you’ve said YES to something else.
Your “YES” defines your focus, it sets your compass. It determines what your life/work will focus on - while weeding out those activities will only distract you from that higher calling.
** What is your “YES” for each key dimension of your life? (Spiritual, Spouse, Family, Career,...),
Posted on September 22, 2009 by Ronald T. Brown, Ph.D.
I had the privilege to attend an outdoor U2 concert in Chicago last week.
It was a pleasant, clear night where the audience was full of excitement and energy as the band played many of its musical hits from the past 25 years or so. Halfway through the concert, U2 performed one of their most popular songs, which contains the lyrics “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”
When U2 began to sing this well-known chorus, the whole audience of over 80,000 people joined in unison, singing with the band over and over, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for… I still haven’t found what I am looking for…” As energetic as any other time in the concert, the stadium of loyal fans were emotionally feeling and singing the lyrics of a song Bono had written some 25 years earlier.
The journey of Belief is one of pursuing with conviction, patience and fortitude what you “still have not found.” It is one of stepping out toward what you have yet to know or experience. It’s about allowing a compelling belief, yearning or conviction to lure you on toward a destination that is still unclear, or foggy in many ways.
I personally believe one of the core and central journeys of every person’s life is of this nature – of believing in, and stepping out in faith toward what has yet to be realized or attained. Of embracing a belief that there is something better, and allowing it to lure you on toward becoming a better person, parent, friend, spouse, leader – of reaching a meaningful vision or dream.
This is what marks each person’s “Heroic Journey.”
